December 20th, 2007 @ 10:13AM
December 16th, 2007 @ 6:17PM
so it's time for another little peek into my world~
prepair youself cuz this anit no happy shit either~
so about a year and a half ago my brother who also happens to look like me a bit decided to move out to arizona
its been great he is 57 we were never all that close becuz
he lived in tampa for like 35 years.
he wanted to live in tucson and stay here for a while so
hes done that~ about a year ago he started feeling real shitty so hes been to the doctor several times now.
last summer they told him his liver was giving out on him
and becuz the liver has been failing the kidney was doing all the work~ my family was not very truthfull with me this whole time~
so since i have been back from oregon,, got back in may of 07 i have been on my own they did not help me out at all when i got back it took a couple of months almost up intill november that i felt like things were alright with them and that they had gained some respect for me~ and even still i think alot of work needs to be done there~ they dont respect me becuz they have helped me out alot in my younger life when i had no clue of my condition~ and yeah just like anyone i fucked up a few times~ winning there respect matters not that much to me anymore~ becuz i respect myself
i have done everything for myself since may and it was hard only my best friend helped me he came and got me at the bus station and let me stay with him for two weeks~ my family did not~ so anyway i have had a very hard time these past few months becuz of the withholding of vital info about my brothers condition~ so but we just got the worst news we could get and that is that he needs a duel transplant
the kidney was doing all the work of his liver for like the past year now the kidney is failing too. and i am just so profoundly sad i dont know what to do~ if i loose my brother with out ever getting to really know him or be his friend i am gonna be crushed hurt and just fucking sad as hell~ my damn life is never without drama and i hate it
i moved away to oregon to get away from the drama here~ only to be involved in more drama up there with my other brother~ i am so craving peace and stability in my life~ i have been thru a hell of alot even in my own life just to get where i am ,and now all this shit is happening~ i am sad,lost and lonely~
i am so sorry to bum you people out for x-mas! but this is my life -its the truth so no wonder i haver not felt like collabing or creating new music ~ cuz all these fucking things happening are on my last fucking nerve~
fuck x-mas!!!! i am very lost and sad right now~ i just want peace and contentment for x-mas thats all i want~and most of all i just want my brother to be ok i will be back soon
but ya know i just feel like i have to prepair myself for the worst~ if he doesnt get the duel transplant he will not have much time left~
i dont know when or if i will be back very soon becuz of all this shit happening~ so please pray for my brother it doesnt look good~
yall have a good new year!!! and i might see you in a few weeks~ take care
i love ya all and i love this site
peace~ john
November 15th, 2007 @ 11:25AM
November 13th, 2007 @ 2:18AM
~ sooo i wanted to touch on something that means alot to me that something is how profound, everthing is~~~~
music~ love~ life~ struggle~ pain~ saddness~ death~ loss~ art~anything really~
there are such deep fucking meanings in everything i do~
i really feel blessed and fortunate to have lived and had the opprotunity to still be here at this point in my life.
and to be able to hopefully produce some music that either might mean something to someone or help them in some way~
or if they like my music for some other reason cool
~it really is all good~ and i love life and love the friends and family i share my life with~
i dont just go around acting certain ways becuase i can
i try to put deep profound reasoning in everything i do ,,meaning i give it my all~ whats within my ability and what i was given and have to work with` i take somethings personal becuase i have traveled a long hard ass road in my life to get to this point~
it sucks to live most of yer life feeling not up to par or fucking good enuff on any level or to be confident in my music~ but i think i am finnally getting there~ i feel alive these days
not like in the past where i just accepted things the way they were and i felt i couldnt change it~ bullshit! i was in an accident at a very young age 18 and i did not relize how bad i had hurt myself~
` i was in a daze for a long ass time 10 years or so~~
from jumping into a pool and it wasnt the deep end
18 fucking years old i went on and on and on and struggled thru all the pain and deepression never got any treatment for what i think was a pretty damn seroius head injury~ i was young and didnt want to cuz a fuss~ my family was poor and i only had my mother to raise me~
i thought i was ok but i wasnt like i said i was in a daze in my life for a good tens years
i think i had some brain swelling and they call this type of injury t.b.i. also as a reslut of the same injury i now have d.d.d. degenerative disc disease meaning it deteriorates over time and gets worse honestly i feel good and finnally alive now that i know what happened
to me and even suffered many other head injurys cuz i was an advid mt.biker
over time that many injurys can affect a person in a hell of alot of ways very profound ways~ i love me and who i am cuz it took a hell of alot of pain and suffering to get where i am~ i am very proud of what i do musically~ i gotta start talking about this shit cuz it kills me that sometimes i dont feel like even my friends or family really know me or how i feel and it sucks~
i feel alone and all i got is my music~ it gives me strenght and confidence to carry on in my life. life is profound in so many fucking ways and music and art and so many things we take for granted are so fucking profound~
it really blows my mind thinking about it~ i see movies and shows and art you name it its all profound deep full of undercurrents and tides both good and bad~ and i am so happy to be where i am in life as far as my music is consernd~
i care to much about anything and everything but i cant really help that, its instilled in me, it is me, its who i am and who i want to be~ i know these long journals are a bore but i want to help people know just how fucking special every moment in this life is~ i am so happy to have all of you as friends here and it makes my soul happy too
we as a people and a society can do better in every way~ no one has all the answers and i dont either but one things for sure and that is for me personally, i have no more fear~ i am free of the chains that fucked me up~ i know this creates alot of questions as you all read this~ and i think you all can tell this anit no joke and its not for attention~ i just want to share a bit of myself becuase none of us know how much time we got here~ and tommarrow you can be gone and forgotten~
its ok cuz its the way of the world everything lives and dies~ and were all next~
live every damn day like its yer last~ make yer dreams reality~ create and manifest what you want~ anything is possible~ love and respect yer peers and even yer enimies theres something to learn from every situation in life~
so i hope that you all take these thoughts to heart becuase something will happen soon to you that is very profound like it did to me~
realization, finding yer place in the world~ everythings fucking profound` lol
if you let it be~ and i like that about myself i think~ i think alot~therefore i am~ lol ive wasted enuff of yer time please leave yer thoughts if you have any~ there is a comment button there~ use it!!!
there are so many talented fucking people out there in the world and most of people on this site~ i dont feel like i ever comment e-nuff on songs but i get overwhelmed by how many people there are and how amazingly talented they are as well~ love this place ~lol im lost in thought~
profound anit it~
hope yer all doing well!!!
peace for now~
please if i owe you a listen or two just remind me in most cases i will listen then and there on the spot!
October 25th, 2007 @ 2:19AM
October 19th, 2007 @ 1:01PM
October 11th, 2007 @ 1:13AM
October 11th, 2007 @ 12:58AM
Israfel - Journal
Journal - October 8th, 2007 @ 1:35PM
I'm alikin' this blueberry mmuffin!
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User Comments
NickSawyer
Date: October 8, 2007 @ 1:53 PM
Israfel
Date: October 8, 2007 @ 1:54 PM
Hey! I don't like sharing my blueberry muffins! BACK OFF!
BOWILLIE
Date: October 8, 2007 @ 4:50 PM
muffin eater muffin eater
realmedia
Date: October 8, 2007 @ 11:56 PM
srry that didnt stay down~
moam
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:08 AM
*gets naked*
moam
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:11 AM
*begins wiping dirty ass against journal walls*
realmedia
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:12 AM
i knew yer were a nakked ,,dirty ass,, eating muffin eater~
moam
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:13 AM
Oh I got plenty of chocolate muffins to go around
Israfel
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:15 AM
GET OUT OF MY JOURNAL!
moam
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:19 AM
*begins scootin' across the white carpet*
Mojosnake
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:19 AM
hey theres goes my goat.......
moam
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:20 AM
Hey Israfel, you got some soft carpet in here
Mojosnake
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:26 AM
ive been recruited .....
*catches goat and makes cheese, NAKED*
Israfel
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:28 AM
I give up... do what you will in here...just clean up after yourselves. And if that goat craps in here...
Mojosnake
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:29 AM
the only thing he's crappin is lady
realmedia
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:30 AM
many s come in and cleans up and put a dozen fresh blueberry :muffins: on the table~
Mojosnake
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:33 AM
thanks man i finaly caught the goat and now your feedin him muffins? oh well so much for keepin the goat from
realmedia
Date: October 9, 2007 @ 12:39 AM
hehehe~ i tried~
October 5th, 2007 @ 6:50PM
October 5th, 2007 @ 6:47PM
Welcome !!
Featured Artist !!!! 
thanks dmusic~ 
~watch this page, collabs on the way~
THAT THE GODS SEND ME A FEW NEW SONGS !!!