so it's time for another little peek into my world~
prepair youself cuz this anit no happy shit either~

so about a year and a half ago my brother who also happens to look like me a bit decided to move out to arizona
its been great he is 57 we were never all that close becuz
he lived in tampa for like 35 years.
he wanted to live in tucson and stay here for a while so
hes done that~ about a year ago he started feeling real shitty so hes been to the doctor several times now.
last summer they told him his liver was giving out on him
and becuz the liver has been failing the kidney was doing all the work~ my family was not very truthfull with me this whole time~
so since i have been back from oregon,, got back in may of 07 i have been on my own they did not help me out at all when i got back it took a couple of months almost up intill november that i felt like things were alright with them and that they had gained some respect for me~ and even still i think alot of work needs to be done there~ they dont respect me becuz they have helped me out alot in my younger life when i had no clue of my condition~ and yeah just like anyone i fucked up a few times~ winning there respect matters not that much to me anymore~ becuz i respect myself
i have done everything for myself since may and it was hard only my best friend helped me he came and got me at the bus station and let me stay with him for two weeks~ my family did not~ so anyway i have had a very hard time these past few months becuz of the withholding of vital info about my brothers condition~ so but we just got the worst news we could get and that is that he needs a duel transplant
the kidney was doing all the work of his liver for like the past year now the kidney is failing too. and i am just so profoundly sad i dont know what to do~ if i loose my brother with out ever getting to really know him or be his friend i am gonna be crushed hurt and just fucking sad as hell~ my damn life is never without drama and i hate it
i moved away to oregon to get away from the drama here~ only to be involved in more drama up there with my other brother~ i am so craving peace and stability in my life~ i have been thru a hell of alot even in my own life just to get where i am ,and now all this shit is happening~ i am sad,lost and lonely~ i am so sorry to bum you people out for x-mas! but this is my life -its the truth so no wonder i haver not felt like collabing or creating new music ~ cuz all these fucking things happening are on my last fucking nerve~ fuck x-mas!!!! i am very lost and sad right now~ i just want peace and contentment for x-mas thats all i want~and most of all i just want my brother to be ok i will be back soon
but ya know i just feel like i have to prepair myself for the worst~ if he doesnt get the duel transplant he will not have much time left~ i dont know when or if i will be back very soon becuz of all this shit happening~ so please pray for my brother it doesnt look good~ yall have a good new year!!! and i might see you in a few weeks~ take care
i love ya all and i love this site peace~ john